Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
