Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
