Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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