hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
