they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
