ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
