I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
