You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
