just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
