Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
