Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
