I feel great
I just peed on a car
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Too much gin, very little bucket
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
