I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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