I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
