walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
