you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Acid is not a monday night drug
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
