I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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