I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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