So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
