I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
