Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
