what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
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