If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
