what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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