How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
