Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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