Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
