PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
