I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
