Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
