I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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