Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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