i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
