Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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