I am spending my child support on dildos
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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