There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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