If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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