They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
