I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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