She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
