ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
