Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
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