This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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