All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I deserve this hangover.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
