In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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