I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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