u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
