I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
