I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
