you would pick up someone in the library
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
